Why the English language is difficult to learn!
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I used that shoval of mine to dig in the mine.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor
ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce,
and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb
through annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes, I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. What other reason could there be for saying that
people recite at a play and play at a recital? Or, ship cargo by truck and send
cargo by ship? Or, have noses that run and feet that smell? We park on
driveways and drive on parkways.
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?
Have you ever seen a horseless carriage or a strapless gown? Or, met a sung
hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was
combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?
And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY
hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
which an alarm goes off by going on. When a tree is up we cut it down, then
when it is down we cut it up.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible, and why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when
I wind up this essay, I end it.
Does that mean you can wind up winding up your wind up watch?
He had the right to do the right thing and turn the knob to the right.*
* He had the authority to do the correct thing and turn the knob clockwise.
Unless of course he has a digital watch.
All that is left to do is go left.
Will he watch his watch on his watch?
PS Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. There is a two-letter word
that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or
at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers
UP for election and why is it UP to the
secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten
UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm
UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP
the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP
for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened
UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it
UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look
the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th
of the page and can add UP to about thirty
definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try
building UP a list of the many ways UP
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't
give UP, you may wind UP with
a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now
my time is UP,
so.........it is time to shut UP!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at
The Funny English Language
No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn.
I sometimes wonder how we manage to communicate at all!
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may found a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother, we never say Methren,
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,
So English, I fancy you will all agree,
Is the funniest language you ever did see.